You’d love to write more but you’ve got press-ganged into being on your local resident’s committee and it takes up a lot more time than you thought.
Perhaps you were planning to have a writing binge this weekend but there’s a school reunion that you ought to go to. But you’re not really that bothered by it. You hated your time at school.
Maybe you said yes to a theatre trip, meeting up with some ex-colleagues as well as your usual Thursday night pizza with your close friends. Now your week is overloaded and there’s no space to write. If only you had checked your diary before saying yes to those commitments.
Are you terrible at saying No?
Does it cost you your writing time?
Writing takes time
It takes energy and it requires discipline. If you have a job and family responsibilities then it can be hard to fit writing in as well. It is easy to feel that you are not doing enough to make progress with your current project.
If you want to carve out enough time to write then you might need to say No to other opportunities, even things that might initially sound appealing.
Two tips to get better at saying No
Tip #1 Don’t say Yes to anything immediately
When someone asks you to do something, say that you need to check your diary or that you need to sleep on it. Tell them that you’ll let them know your answer tomorrow.
This gives you time to decide, without the pressure of being in front of the inviter or on the phone with them. Do you actually want to go? Are you already busy that weekend? Do you have a lot on in the evenings of that week?
When you get back to the person, you can give a more considered yes or no.
Tip #2 – saying no nicely, but directly
If it’s a No say it like this:
“Thank you very much for your invite to [whatever it is]. Unfortunately, I cannot help/attend but I wish you luck with your event.”
For example:
Thanks very much for the invite to your party. Unfortunately, I cannot attend but I hope you have a lovely evening.
Thanks very much for asking me to help out with the arts festival. Unfortunately, I am not able to do that this year but I wish you luck in finding the right person for the job.
Notice in the above that a reason (whether real or made up) is not given. You simply say No, you can’t do it.
If you give reasons then the person who is asking you might start finding solutions to those reasons making it harder to say no.
For example, you have been invited to a party on Friday night. You don’t want to go because it is an hour from your house and you want to get up early on Saturday and write, hangover free!
If you give the excuse that you can’t find a baby sitter (which is sort of true) what happens if the person says, “Oh don’t worry. My niece is looking for extra cash. She can come over and sit with the kids for you.” If you had kept it to a simple No then you wouldn’t be more stuck than you were before!
Sometimes saying No means a change of identity
If you are one of life’s doers, or you’re the go-to person at work, or you’ve served on many local committees and you are used to making stuff happen, then it can be hard to say No. Getting stuff done and/or not disappointing people is part of your identity.
Everyone comes to you for help because you’re good at making stuff happen and they know you’ll always say yes.
It becomes a question of priorities. Is your writing more important to you than that activity?
It is okay if the answer to that question is no. What’s significant is that you are aware of your true priorities.
Will you disappoint people?
Will you disappoint or annoy people if you say No more often? Yes, absolutely.
Will your social life shrink? Probably.
Will your standing as one of life’s doers fade? Yes, and your ego will have to cope with that.
But if you are serious in advancing with your creative work then saying No is necessary.
What are you prepared to say No to in order to have the life that you say you want?
Plodding gently
Cali x
What are your tips for saying No?
Are you good at prioritising your time? Have you perfected the art of saying No? Please share your tips. We can all learn from each other.
The idea of not including a reason in my “no” is...revolutionary! Not sure why I am compelled to justify declining.
Great tips! I’m definitely working on saying no more frequently. Also, working on not feeling guilty when I say no.