Could Your Dark Side Improve Your Writing?
Have you heard of the phrase “Let your dark horse run”?
I learnt about letting the dark horse run from Joanna Penn’s latest book, Writing The Shadow: Turn Your Inner Darkness Into Words.
The concept of the dark horse comes from Plato’s work, The Phaedrus. He talks about a chariot pulled by one dark horse and one white horse. The white horse represents our “good” side. The dark horse, as its name implies, refers to our darker nature, or our shadow side.
For our chariot to move along evenly, both horses need to be acknowledged and trot along together. The problem is, we tend to suppress our dark horse and eventually, it gets super frustrated, rears up and bolts, pulling the cart off the road!
For me, the white horse is the disciplined, hard-working, goal-oriented Cali. She takes action to get to where she wants to go, fulfils her various duties and in the past used to override any impulses by the dark horse, because “there wasn’t time for that”.
My dark horse is more playful. It likes being rested, enjoys watching a film or a favourite television programme and doing nurturing, playful things like going for a walk or cooking up some homemade soup. It doesn’t like continually having to “do” stuff.
Your dark horse might be the side of you that likes super-creepy horror and your white horse might say that you shouldn’t write that kind of thing. Maybe your dark horse is fascinated by death or graveyards and your white horse is embarrassed about that.
Your dark horse doesn’t have to be about the supernatural or gory stuff. It is anything that you’ve spent years suppressing or something you hate to acknowledge about yourself. If you’re triggered by a comment about you or your work, it is likely that someone has just poked your shadow side.
You may know what is in there, you may not. But we all have one.
The cost of suppressing my dark horse
For the last eighteen months I have been suffering from long covid induced chronic fatigue. However, my system was burnt out long before I got covid. That white horse drove me so hard. I was going to get my novel finished and published alongside my other responsibilities like work and aging parents, no matter what.
I did it all, rising early to write, doing my best in my day job and spending increasing amounts of time supporting my parents. Rest and fun things like being more social were sacrificed in the name of achievement. As each obstacle that my parents’ health flung at me increased, so did my determination that I would never be knocked off course.
It worked. I finally published my novel in May 2020 and not even my Dad’s death the previous month stopped me.
But now I’m counting the cost.
This was a common weekend scenario in our house: my husband would be lounging on the sofa watching something on the television. I would pass through the living room, perhaps to make a cup of tea, and part of me would be jealous. How nice to just kick back and relax. However, if I did that in this precious spare afternoon of time, then I wouldn’t progress with the things I was trying to achieve. So I resisted the temptation, made my tea and kept working.
Now I’m listening to that dark horse
Fast forward to now. I need a lot more rest and I have learnt to take it, and never push through. But I’ve noticed lately, that even in my diminished state of energy, I still have this tendency to want to “do more” and “achieve”.
My dark horse isn’t having that. It knows that I also need playful, nurturing activities in my life. It likes watching a film. It likes walking in the tress. It likes taking time to cook up my winter favourites of braised red cabbage and dauphinoise potatoes. My dark horse likes to be a bit lazy and to relish relaxation.
I’ve been letting it have its way and life is more fun – and it is helping me cope with my other stresses. The key is balance. I need to let both horses do their thing. Writing and relaxation is occurring!
I’ve also found that my dark horse is curious about AI tools. I’ve been playing with ChatGPT and tinkering with image generation. (Don’t worry - this article is 100% written by me. I don’t want to write with ChatGPT but I have been experimenting with it, for example getting it to suggest ways to portray different emotions in my fiction.)
My white horse says that this isn’t necessary right now whereas my dark horse goes, this is interesting - let me play. Who knows where that play might lead.
What is your dark horse trying to tell you?
A big feature of my dark horse is how I treat myself. However, yours will be unique to you.
Do you know what your dark horse represents?
Are you honouring it?
Could you?
Is there a topic you’ve been avoiding in your writing?
Or maybe you’ve written about the subject but you feel deeply uncomfortable about revealing it.
My latest novel features 9/11. There have been times when I have felt embarrassed about this topic and constantly questioned whether I really wanted to “go there”. But the answer from my deeper wisdom is always – “Yes. This is the story. Get on with it.”
The dark horse, or the shadow, gives depth to your writing both as you explore your own shadow and that of your characters or subject matter.
Exploring and accepting your own dark horse also gives you a more honest, balanced life where you ultimately can set yourself free from your custom-made-especially-for-you demons.
Check out Writing The Shadow: Turn Your Inner Darkness Into Words by Joanna Penn
I highly recommend listening to or reading the chapter where Joanna explains about the dark horse.
You can do that here or by searching for episode #718 of The Creative Penn podcast on your favourite podcast app.
The book is an excellent read. You can buy it directly from Joanna Penn in audio, digital or print formats, or search for it wherever you like to buy books.
Let’s keep plodding gently, both horses!
Cali x
P.S. I re-iterate that I have no intention of having ChatGPT write my Gentle Creative articles. I write this newsletter because I love to express what is in my heart and AI can’t do that for me!
Photo by Mathias Reding on Unsplash
I had never heard the phrase before, and can see it applies to life as well as writing. I am very much as you describe. the white horse - busy, pushing, driving - serious. I would say the dark horse is looking for more fun, play, and humor. As I write this, I realize that is what I am now trying to bring into my writing.
This was so interesting to read. I’ve never heard of it this way and will definitely explore it a bit further! Thanks for sharing.