Hello
For the last seven years, at the end of each month I like to give an honest round-up of my creative efforts for the month – the good, the bad and the ugly. I always enjoy writing this. I think it keeps me accountable and it allows me to acknowledge my progress and challenges. I also like the fact that these summaries are sitting on my computer and are forming a wonderful log of my creative journey.
First – the good news. I have finally broken through a milestone of 900 subscribers for Gentle Creative and are currently sitting at 906. For weeks I have been bouncing around 890 – gaining a few, losing a few. At last, it has increased. Next milestone – 1000!
It has been much slower growth of this year because I am not writing as frequently, but it is always heartening to see new people join the Gentle Creative community. Welcome and thank you so much for being here!
Writing wise, it feels like a boring month. As you can see in my calendar below, I have written more. A green dot is working on my novel, a red dot is working on Gentle Creative and a blue dot is when I write in the journal about my husband’s accident and recovery process.
(For the newbies among you, my husband had an accident in late June and sustained a very serious brain injury. You can read what I wrote at that time by clicking here.)
I shouldn’t really say that writing has been boring because I have done well. I have resumed work on my novel and written two Gentle Creative articles, which is more than I have managed in the last couple of months. It feels good to gently plod forward with my work.
I have been aware that even though I am dealing with chronic fatigue syndrome and a massive life change because of Graham’s accident, sometimes I still suffer from good old-fashioned fear or resistance and don’t get on with my writing. This month, I’ve coaxed myself to do “just 30 minutes” on the novel and see what happens. By breaking it mentally into smaller chunks I have found a way to proceed.
When I am not writing my novel, I get jealous if I listen to a writing podcast and envy the progress that other people are making. However, when I am working on it, no matter how slow or small the progress, it feels better.
Not much got done in early October as this is when Graham moved from the hospital environment to a specialist rehab centre. He remains there and is making slow progress (a bit like my novel though I really shouldn’t jest about this!)
That move was all-consuming to me. Throughout this time, whenever there is a change in his routine, even when it’s based on his advancement, it takes me time to adapt. The staff at the hospital had become like a second family to both of us and for a few days before the move, every time I thought about saying goodbye to them, I was choked with emotion.
However, the staff at the rehab centre are equally wonderful and very loving and caring with their patients. I know that he is in good hands with them. The rehab centre is further away from our home so I have eased back my visiting frequency. I was visiting him in hospital five times a week but now I am only going two or three times.
Once he was settled there, I took a few days off as respite and it felt like I was on vacation. It has been necessary for me to rest and catch up with myself. I’ve also been able to spend time with my 82 year old mother who has been sorely neglected as I have struggled to cope with all the logistics since his accident.
As I say, he is making progress. He can now sit up all day long in a wheelchair and last week he actually walked a few steps. He managed to pull himself up from the chair onto a set of parallel bars. When he reached the end of the bars, they let him keep going. Although he was supported by a couple of physiotherapists, he was able to take more steps. I was so moved when I heard this.
I have no idea what the future holds for us, or where he will live in the longer term. At the moment his care needs are very high and I’m not sure that I could cope with this on my own at home. There are times when I am extremely daunted by this thought, but mostly, I have trained myself to stay in the present and not focus too much on the future.
However, the future will beckon as I am scheduled to have a “next steps” meeting with the powers that be at the end of November. In the meantime, I just concentrate on my Buddhist chanting and trust that there is a solution that will work for both of us and the healthcare / social care system.
Sometimes I struggle to see how he can recover beyond where he is now so it has been a challenge to chant with an open heart that anything is possible for him. I’ve got better at this as the month went on.
I hope that you’ve had a productive and/or enjoyable month. Always feel free to hit reply and tell me how your writing is going, particularly if you are stuck with something. I’m happy to help and it might be something I could write about for a future article.
Keep plodding gently
Cali x
Photo by Grant Durr on Unsplash
Hi Cali,
So good to hear and read that you're writing again, however slow it might be. I think it's amazing that you're doing any at all, given what you've been and are still going through.
It's heartening to hear that Graham is making small steps and the rehab place is a good place to be.
I do have a question for you!
How do you evaluate your own work? How do you know it's any good? Especially now as AI is writing books and poetry. It's almost, how can I compete with that!
Good luck with everything and stay strong.
Jo xx
I just today found you and immediately subscribed. My husband and I went through this accident/recovery period too over recent months and I just wanted to say: I know. I recognise what you said completely. Even though we are further down the path yesterday he did something I never thought possible so your account of your husbands steps connected intimately. You are not alone.