Screw Imposter Syndrome. Is It Time To Take Your Place?

I did. It was fun

For the last two years I have suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome, caused by long covid. I’m always having to manage my energy and I can’t always operate at a normal pace. I end up shying away from things I used to do.

I used to go to networking events or hustle in writing circles. Sometimes I feel ashamed of how my life is now. I’m not working. I often don’t get up until nine o’clock. I have to rest in the afternoons. I can only walk for half an hour. The rest of the world is out there, working hard, including my ex-colleagues, and I’m lounging around making sure I don’t get too tired.

I used to belong to a women’s network that ran out of the Houses of Parliament. For years I had the privilege of sipping champagne within Westminster, I’ve had lunch on the terrace overlooking the River Thames and I was once able to attend a special function for the State Opening Of Parliament. My fellow women members are an illustrious bunch: senior managers, successful entrepreneurs and movers and shakers within the parliamentary world and the civil service.

Even before I got ill, I always felt like an imposter. Little old me. Computer programmer, not-super-successful life-coach and unknown writer. In the last two years I have retreated further, feeling totally out of place whenever I visited London and definitely not accomplished. When invites arrived for the networking events I shrank back and thought, that’s not my life anymore.

My energy is gradually improving but I am not back to normal. Over the last couple of months there have been some events where I have thought, I’d like to do that and I think I can. My inner gremlin has immediately piped up with a set of excuses as to why I shouldn’t. You haven’t done this kind of thing for ages, you won’t have enough energy, you can’t afford it, they are serious business people or proper writers and you won’t fit in.

But recently, there has been another voice, of encouragement, which has said quietly but firmly, “Go and take your place.”

Three weeks ago, an invite arrived for the women’s network. The voice was saying “take your place” and I decided that I would. I had some reservations, especially around having to explain to people what had happened to my husband over the last year, but the voice kept saying, “take your place.”

It makes me feel important to go through security at the visitor’s entrance to Parliament. I put on a nice frock, my posh dangly earrings and some girly shoes that both looked the part and were comfortable to walk in. After security you walk through the centuries old Westminster Hall, which always gives me such a buzz. The last time I was there was when the Queen died. My husband and I queued over night to see her lying in state.

I went up the stairs to the room where the function was being held and immediately felt among friends. Why had I thought it would be otherwise?

People wanted to know how I was, they expressed their sympathy at Graham’s situation and how well I looked in spite of all the challenges.

I had some interesting conversations and was also able to dispense some writing advice to someone I admired for her business achievements.

I wasn’t “less than” the people there. I was one of them and they were pleased to see me.

It was a lesson in recognising my greatness, who I really am as a person and taking my place as one of those illustrious ladies.

Why have I written about this?

I wanted to write about this because I want to encourage you to take your place too.

• Is there something you are shying away from because you think you’re not good enough?

• Are you scared to say yes to something that secretly you want to do?

• Are you suffering from imposter syndrome?

As writers it is normal to suffer from fear and play down an activity that is very close to our hearts.

• Do you even think of yourself as a writer?

• Is there a project you are avoiding because you think you’re not good enough, or worse, not worthy enough?

• Is there an idea for a book or a chunk of manuscript already written, that wonderfully displays your knowledge, experience and expertise – but you don’t think you are good enough to do it?

When I attended that networking event, I finally saw my own value. I saw that people were really pleased to see me and talk with me. They were interested in me and they cared about what I had gone through over the last couple of years.

I saw that I did have something useful to contribute.

And I saw that it was lovely to take my place.

Could you see your value too?

Could you say yes to that writing project and keep working at it?

Could you find a way to make it public and share your contribution to the world?

Is it time to take your place?

Plodding gently

Cali x

P.S. Please share this article. It might be just the nudge that a worried person needs 😊

Photo by sina rezakhani on Unsplash