What Does It Mean To Give Yourself Grace?
And how does this apply to your writing?
Two weeks ago I scribbled “grace” onto a post-it note. I was drafting an article while flicking through some notes and the word popped out at me.
What does grace mean?
In the Christian tradition grace is forgiveness. God gives his grace despite the errors of humans, epitomised in sending his son, Jesus Christ to take on our sins. It is about showing mercy irrespective of whether that is deserved. (Apologies to any practising Christians, I hope I have got that right. Please feel free to give a better definition in the comments.)
In the personal development and spiritual world, grace is often used as a term for being kind to yourself, to forgive yourself and not demand perfection from yourself.
Life is difficult. We all have challenges. Sometimes we can’t live up to the promises we make. It isn’t possible to do it all or achieve everything.
Whatever your faith or spiritual belief, I think the intention is the same, irrespective of the wrapping.
How does this apply to you as a writer?
Giving yourself grace might mean allowing yourself to have more sleep in the morning and only writing for thirty minutes rather than the hour which you’d really love to achieve. You would still be making progress with your book.
Giving yourself grace might mean not writing your weekly newsletter for a few weeks because you’re exhausted after having covid-19 or the flu, and you really need to prioritise your paid work. (I didn’t write a newsletter last week because my energy dipped. The world kept turning just fine.)
Giving yourself grace might mean that you hold off publishing your book for another six months because your mother just passed away and you really don’t have the energy to think about marketing and promotion.
Giving yourself grace might mean that you forgive yourself for getting something wrong with your writing. For example, that political romance book with zombies was a disaster. It took too much time, cost too much money and you only sold 23 copies. Let yourself off the hook. It’s okay. You can learn from that mistake and write something else.
Sometimes your writing becomes too wrapped up in your identity. If a manuscript is heavily criticised by beta-readers or an editor, you can feel personally wounded. Give yourself grace, lick that wound and try to realise that it was just the writing that was criticised, not you personally.
Some wise advice from Liz Gilbert
I love how Liz Gilbert says the following in Big Magic (p251)
“So how do you shake of failure and shame in order to keep living a creative life?
“First of all, forgive yourself. If you made something and it didn’t work out, let it go. Remember that you’re nothing but a beginner – even if you’ve been working on your craft for fifty years. We are all just beginners here, and we shall all die beginners. So let it go. Forget about the last project, and go searching with an open heart for the next one.”
What does grace mean to me?
As my health deteriorated over the last year, I’ve had no choice but to be kind to myself and see my self-worth irrespective of achievement or time spent working.
For me, grace has been to see my value and not demand more from myself than I’m currently able to deliver.
Grace has been about making peace with that different pace.
Ultimately, giving yourself grace means forgiving yourself for being you.
Plodding gently
Cali x
Photo by Andrew Small on Unsplash
Beautifully written, as usual. I've loved that word "grace", as well, but I see it more as acceptance than forgiveness. Acceptance of ourselves, of others, of our situations. Once we feel it, we can deal with it.
This is a time of renewal for so many, and if we can plod through it with grace, we'll have done something. Thanks for the reminders.
I had to give myself grace this week when I accidentally hit publish on my first book with Amazon KDP. My beta team convinced me that it was time anyway and to stop stalling production so I'm just going with it, which is also scary!