I’m in a phase of crap writing. My last Gentle Creative article had the lowest ever number of likes and comments. I’m not surprised, it wasn’t that great! Yesterday I started a new chapter of my novel and wrote a load of drivel.
Sometimes your writing will be crap. You will go through periods where the ideas just aren’t flowing, or you can’t get into the depth of anything or it comes out all lumpy and you don’t know how to fix it.
This is okay. It happens.
My current sucky phase might be because I am not expressing the pain I’m going through with my husband and his brain injury. I haven’t written about him for a while.
As I witness his current state, it breaks my heart. He is so vulnerable, so trapped by the tragedy of his accident. Although he is now eating properly and has put on weight, his speech is still very difficult to understand which partly drives his extremely challenging physical behaviour. Sometimes I can sense that he is pouring his heart out to me even though I can’t make out most of what he is saying.
Sometimes I hear the words home and car. He just wants to get in the car and come home with me. But that isn’t possible because of his immense care needs.
I explain to him that he is in the best place, and I couldn’t possibly help him in the way all the therapists and support workers do where he is at. It makes me feel like Mean Mummy.
Even now, I’ve given you the abridged version of what is happening and how I feel. I don’t seem to be able to dig in and articulate the details. It’s too painful.
I’m trying to capture that pain in my novel writing. Yesterday’s scene was the Countess sitting chatting to her teddy bear (the bear and her handbags can talk – think Sex and the City meets Toy Story). The intention was that they would both be expressing their sadness about a particular event. Although I might have captured some of that, the scene didn’t go anywhere. There was no real point to it.
So I’m writing crap that is all a bit “meh”!
The trick is to keep writing anyway
Crap writing is okay. Ceasing to write because of that is not okay!
I remember a phase when I was writing my first novel. I used to write a page every morning before going to work. I wrote drivel, day after day, for two weeks. Then one day, something amazing came out, a brilliant idea. Even several drafts later, that scene became pivotal and one of my favourites.
If I hadn’t kept writing through the crap then I wouldn’t have hit upon that brilliant scene. It’s like mining for precious metals. You know there is a seam of gold in there somewhere, but first you have to bash through a lot of rocks. If you don’t sift through the rocks, you don’t find the gold.
I could stop writing and give up because of this “meh” period.
Or I can plod gently on. There will be gold again in the future.
Lots of love
Cali x
P.S. Please share this article. It might be just the thing a frustrated writer needs to read!
Photo by Gary Chan on Unsplash
Now I’d love to hear from you
Leave a comment. How do you cope when your writing isn’t going the way you want it to? Is there a turning point for you when you can get back to feeling in your stride again?
This makes me remember the analogy of the hose pipe that hasn’t been used in awhile. When water flows though it afresh it’s all muddy and discoloured. But this must happen before the clean water starts making it to the place it needs to go.
I relate to what you’re going through and each time I’ve been through it I’ve come to the same conclusion - keep going!
Cali, so sorry to hear about what you're going through with your husband. (I won't pretend to know what it's like, but I can send you as many caring, warm thoughts as I can muster!) I feel like the life of a writer involves having those "this is crap" moments --and you've articulated that struggle quite nicely. Hope things turn around for your novel soon, and as you say KEEP WRITING!